I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
