plz talk dirty to me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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