I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
