If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
