I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
