she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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