ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
handjob tips. give me some.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
