Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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