I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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