Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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