Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
