I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you would pick up someone in the library
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
