he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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