Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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