Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
jump out the window naked night went bad
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