Already got asked if we're dating
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
