I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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