I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
