drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize