i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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