Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Help. Why am I so naked?
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