I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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