The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
