he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
