Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
