I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
