Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
