if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
