I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
