This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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