Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
