I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
