So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
wanna go halves on a baby?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
