This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
