The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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