My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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