He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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