i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
