If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
