He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
