Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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