i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
