so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
