i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
