Did you just see the Batmobile???
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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