do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize