have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
