i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
