so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My vagina just clenched in fear
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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