the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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