he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
