It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
