"it" just moved
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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