Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
