There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
