I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
