why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
