Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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