you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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