Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
