Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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