I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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