Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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