I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
