Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
