Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
