You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
