i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
