Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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