Moan for me like Helen Keller
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize