she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
