If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You may now shotgun with the bride
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I am naked and annoyed.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
