He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
