i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
