But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
