Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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