Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize