Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
