all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
