I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
