My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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