I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
