So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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